Boundaries are there to enhance your well-being, just as eating a balanced diet, getting high-quality sleep or exercising. Setting boundaries is an important part of taking responsibility for your life and making sure that you are being respected. It allows your relationships to be defined and formidable, as it helps to protect you from toxic energy and allows you to interact with others in respectful ways.
Do you remember when you were younger and had to go visit some family members with mum and dad and whether you liked it or not, you will have to be hugged by everyone. Or when you kept helping everyone get their stuff done and completed because you simply couldn’t say no and got yourself overwhelmed with too many things to do.
The problem is, Many of us were not taught how to set healthy boundaries growing up, and it can feel awkward, confusing and almost impossible, as you begin to start to set your boundaries. I work with female professional leaders, who find it difficult to set boundaries, until they understand why it is important and how they are sabotaging themselves by not setting boundaries or upholding the boundaries they have set.
Setting boundaries can sometimes be challenging, but it’s essential for healthy relationships and overall well-being. Remember that good boundaries are not restrictive – they create a barrier behind which you can explore and become the real you.
When you have healthy boundaries, you can show up more assertively and honestly. Boundaries also allow you to take ownership of your own actions and feelings without taking ownership of the actions and feelings of others.
Do you actually know what happens when you set and uphold your boundaries? It enhances your self-esteem, and the clearer and well-defined your boundaries are, the higher your self-esteem will be.
How do you set your boundaries?
To set your boundaries, you need to know what boundaries you want to set and why. There are 7 types of boundaries you can set for yourself in your professional and personal life and they are:
Physical boundaries: These boundaries relate to managing and protecting your physical space, your body, physical interactions, what you eat and drink, where and when and so on. To know if you are upholding your physical boundaries, or how to set your physical boundaries, the questions you should be asking yourself are outlined below and so will it be for other types of boundaries discussed in this article.
Questions:
Who am I comfortable being touched by and how? (Hugs, pecks, handshakes, high fives, etc.)
How do I want to hold conversations with people and where (this could be conversations with friends, family, work colleagues, etc)
Do I feel that my space is being invaded by anyone in my life right now?
Am I comfortable with people coming into my bedroom?
Is anyone unduly interfering with my choices whilst capable of making them myself?
Sexual boundaries: These boundaries have to do with the level of intimacy you are comfortable with, with other people and agreeing on what should and should not happen in a sexual relationship. These include things like consent, establishing communication patterns, setting rules about safety and so on.
Honouring your boundaries is a form of self-care, and it’s also a way of showing your respect for yourself and others. It’s important to know and understand what your limits are and to communicate them clearly.
Questions:
What needs to happen in this relationship for me to continue being in it?
How do I agree and communicate consent?
What types of sexual intimacy am I comfortable with? What about my partner?
What are my limits regarding sexual safety?
How do I want choices to be made regarding our sexual outcomes?
Emotional boundaries: these are boundaries regarding letting out, maintaining and managing your emotions. You may want to consider the flow of emotions and energy that goes through you and how you want to stay in control. Setting emotional boundaries for yourself, by intentionally staying in control of your emotions, managing your thoughts and actions can help greatly in this regard.
Questions:
How do I want to feel?
Who interferes with how I want to feel that makes it difficult to manage my feelings?
What toxic energy/relationship do I need to let go/manage/put in its place?
What/who takes my confidence away? How can I get rid of it/them?
I want to feel better at work. Do I need to set boundaries to make this happen?
What types of things am I not comfortable sharing with friends, family, etc.?
Material & Financial boundaries: These are boundaries regarding your finances and material possessions. You need to determine how other people can access your material belongings and finances and what makes you comfortable. Many people feel uncomfortable setting boundaries on their material possession. This is because they are not clear on why the boundaries need setting in the first place. The questions in the worksheet will help you become clearer on why you need to set boundaries to protect your material things.
Questions:
What can I afford to share? With who and how?
How much access do I want to give others to my material possessions and finances?
Who has authority on how I manage and spend my money?
What type of conversations do I want to have about my material possessions and finances?
Who do I want to have these conversations with?
Time boundaries: The questions I ask my clients when talking about time boundaries is ‘how much value do you place on your time? Valuing your time allows you to set boundaries that will allow you to maximise your time and get the very best from it. Time boundaries help you to get rid of things and people who merely waste your time.
Questions:
How much time do I need for MYSELF in a day?
How much time do I need for my business activities?
What do I need to do to reserve the time I need for important stuff that I need to do?
What takes priority when I am dividing up my free time?
How do I want to spend my free time?
Safety boundaries: These are boundaries you set to protect your physical and environmental safety. This type of boundaries will most serve you if you are prone to being influenced by others to do things that may put you at risk within your environment. This could be things like going out late in the night when you don’t want to, being in places that may jeopardise your safety or relevant others, like your children or pets. Being able to set safety boundaries will keep you and those in your care safe.
Questions:
What defines my safety?
What influences are my ready /not ready to allow on matters about my safety?
Who do I want to allow to make decisions for me about my safety?
What level of risks am I willing to take on my safety?
What will taking responsibility for my safety look like?
Self- boundaries: Setting boundaries for other people so that they don’t violate your values and invade your space is a great thing, but being able to set boundaries for yourself is even better. This helps keep you in check, making sure that you uphold the boundaries you have set. Self-boundaries, keep you conscious about your thoughts, intentions and actions. It helps you to stay true to who you are and reminds you of your values and what is important to you. When you anchor your thoughts and actions with well defined boundaries, you will not only be taking great care of yourself, you will notice a great shift in your thinking pattern and a positive advancement in your sense of self.
Questions:
What is my purpose and how can I achieve it?
What will I do to take care of myself?
How will I communicate when it’s time for me to remove myself from a toxic conversation?
Am I respecting myself, for others to respect me?
How do I maintain my values?
So, if you want to take care of yourself and honour your own needs, it’s important to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
It is an act of self-love and respect and a way of showing yourself that you are worth taking care of and that you are capable of protecting your own needs. So take the time to listen to yourself and set healthy boundaries in order to create a more fulfilling and balanced life. If you are struggling with setting and upholding your boundaries, join the Ignite your Leadership Prowess Community, where we share resources to help you become great at setting boundaries that will improve the quality of your life and work. If you are struggling with setting and upholding your boundaries, here are some healthy tips to get you started so that you can improve the quality of your life and work.
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